Today’s post is Part 1 of an article from the site of a bit of a WordPress guru, Adam Warner of WP Pro Business. Writer Lauren Tharp has come up with an excellent list of the best techniques you need to use to keep pesky readers from bothering you on your blogs
Have a read of these “hints” … and be honest, how many of these things do YOU do on your blog??
A Guide to Tormenting Your Readers
No one wants readers on their website. This type of visitor is obnoxious and downright nosy! Why are they doing all that reading anyway? What’s their game? Needless to say, if you have a website, this type of visitor needs to be deterred as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Here are some tips to get you started:
- Treat your readers like they’re stupid and you are all-knowing. Obviously. (What, you didn’t already know that?).
- Write your content in long, unreadable blocks of text. I shouldn’t even be breaking up this list with bullet points—it might encourage those rascally readers! You need to create what I like to call a big “Wall o’ Text.” If you can manage it, don’t even break up your writing into paragraphs.
- Hide your contact information. The last thing you want is people contacting you. Never, ever, have an easily accessible Contact page. You need to get crafty! Try hiding your contact information deep, deep, within an About page. Or, better yet, don’t have your contact information on your website at all!
- Install as many bells and whistles as you possibly can. You must, I repeat, must, do everything you possibly can to distract those pesky readers from actually reading your content. Try having animated snowflakes or “glitter” constantly falling down the screen in front of your text. And, if possible, transform your visitor’s mouse cursor into something silly—the more animated the better!
- Related to the above, make your site as slow to load as possible. Use high-resolution, slow-to-load images; as many complicated graphics as possible; and try to have several moving things on the page at once. People hate to wait, making this one of the quickest ways to get rid of readers yet!
- Always use Windows Media Video (.wmv) files for your videos. Or any other unpopular video-viewing web format. Just be sure to stay away from Flash or Quicktime.
- Broken links! The more the better.
- Have poor web navigation. Make everything a confusing mess. And don’t make it easy to return to the main page. If they want to get back where they came from, they’re just going to have to re-type your URL.
- Use pictures instead of text. Any time you have a button, make sure it’s a picture. No text! And try to make your pictures as vague as possible.
So… which of these are YOU guilty of?!
Time to schedule a good review of your blog writing perhaps! Look out for the other half of the list tomorrow…
Thanks Adam and Lauren for the smiles!