Today’s post is Part 1 of an article from the site of a bit of a WordPress guru, Adam Warner of WP Pro Business. Writer Lauren Tharp has come up with an excellent list of the best techniques you need to use to keep pesky readers from bothering you on your blogs 
Have a read of these “hints” … and be honest, how many of these things do YOU do on your blog??
A Guide to Tormenting Your Readers
No one wants readers on their website. This type of visitor is obnoxious and downright nosy! Why are they doing all that reading anyway? What’s their game? Needless to say, if you have a website, this type of visitor needs to be deterred as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Here are some tips to get you started:
- Treat your readers like they’re stupid and you are all-knowing. Obviously. (What, you didn’t already know that?).
- Write your content in long, unreadable blocks of text. I shouldn’t even be breaking up this list with bullet points—it might encourage those rascally readers! You need to create what I like to call a big “Wall o’ Text.” If you can manage it, don’t even break up your writing into paragraphs.
- Hide your contact information. The last thing you want is people contacting you. Never, ever, have an easily accessible Contact page. You need to get crafty! Try hiding your contact information deep, deep, within an About page. Or, better yet, don’t have your contact information on your website at all!
- Install as many bells and whistles as you possibly can. You must, I repeat, must, do everything you possibly can to distract those pesky readers from actually reading your content. Try having animated snowflakes or “glitter” constantly falling down the screen in front of your text. And, if possible, transform your visitor’s mouse cursor into something silly—the more animated the better!
- Related to the above, make your site as slow to load as possible. Use high-resolution, slow-to-load images; as many complicated graphics as possible; and try to have several moving things on the page at once. People hate to wait, making this one of the quickest ways to get rid of readers yet!
- Always use Windows Media Video (.wmv) files for your videos. Or any other unpopular video-viewing web format. Just be sure to stay away from Flash or Quicktime.
- Broken links! The more the better.
- Have poor web navigation. Make everything a confusing mess. And don’t make it easy to return to the main page. If they want to get back where they came from, they’re just going to have to re-type your URL.
- Use pictures instead of text. Any time you have a button, make sure it’s a picture. No text! And try to make your pictures as vague as possible.
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So… which of these are YOU guilty of?!
Time to schedule a good review of your blog writing perhaps! Look out for the other half of the list tomorrow…
Thanks Adam and Lauren for the smiles!
Happy Blogging
Tracey
I’m sad I didn’t see this until now! Almost exactly a year after the fact. Haha.
You’re very welcome for the smiles.
I’m glad you enjoyed the list. I had a lot of fun writing it.
Hi Lauren, how funny that this has popped up again nearly a year later – it’s provided much amusement to readers over the past year.
best wishes
Tracey
Install Google ads would be another one. : )
Ah yes, – the Google ads that pepper a post – thanks, I’ll pass this on to Adam and Lauren (who wrote the original post)…
This brings back memories of my very first Blogger blog that I started in 2006. I gave ideas for home made gifts and I had these cute wrapped gift packages falling from the top to the bottom of the screen…
As I got older and wiser in blogland, I put them away in a big box,lol. But I must say, I got quite a few comments from people who liked them.
And I always wanted one of those cursor “thingies” that dragged snowflakes behind it, but could never figure out how or where to get the code for it.
Those were the good old days when I did not even know about keywords, SEO, building backlinks,etc.etc, but just blogged for the simple pleasure of sharing ideas with people and had regular visitors to this blog.
Now I am older and wiser and still don’t know if I am doing the right things in getting traffic to my current blog.
But one thing I do know, I still enjoy sharing ideas with the people who visit my blog.
Thanks for this quite entertaining post
You’re welcome Elsie – enjoy Part 2…
If your readers are returning, you’re definitely doing something right
Very funny. and I’ve read some of those run on blogs…
Thanks Stuart – it’s got to the point where, if I’m confronted with tons of text with no break on a web page, my mind switches off… I can almost hear it, it’s so strong!! That’s when I leave hastily….
Good points, and good laughs — or not. I know which one’s I’m NOT, and the others are keeping me wondering.
Good job –
Cindy
Hi Cindy, I think if we can see ourselves in any of these points, it’s a good thing – awareness of our flaws leads to changing them! Enjoy Part 2
I love this! Thanks for such a humorous reminder of what not to do!!
Thanks for getting in touch Carrie – hope you enjoy part 2